NCVA Quarterly Newsletter Issue 7
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NCVA Quarterly Newsletter Issue 6
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NCVA Quarterly Newsletter Issue 5
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We’re Thankful for North Carolina’s Youth & Professionals Who Have A Passion To Learn by Kyle Reece
As Youth Training Coordinator at North Carolina Voices Amplified, I host trainings throughout the year for a wide array of audiences. Whether I am hosting a Youth Leadership Training for transition-aged youth or providing Youth Peer Support 101 trainings for young adults with lived experience who want to provide peer support, or even trainings for community stakeholders and providers, such as our Youth Engagement webinars- the fact remains, our community has a desire to learn and support youth and young adults however they can. We see young people with a desire to gain leadership and advocacy skills, young adults who want to utilize their experiences and support youth who may be struggling, and a community of system of care focused providers who are eager to learn how they can best serve the youth they encounter. This past year we met with so many passionate youth, young adults, and professionals, and it’s important that we highlight them and the passion they bring to the trainings we offer.
One of the great pleasures of providing youth trainings is not only having the opportunity to provide youth and young adults with the tools and skills they need to be leaders within their roles, but it’s also a fantastic opportunity to meet young people who are eager and excited to be providing youth peer support and utilizing their advocacy skills. We met a 20-year-old who is getting her GED and came with her LINKS coordinator to our Youth Leadership Academy in September. Not only was she the youth who participated the most in the academy and was eager to share her experiences to further engage the conversation, but she also left with a continued desire to showcase the skills she learned in our advocacy training and was asking us how she can continue to advocate for foster care youth across North Carolina. We see young people with a desire to learn and grow as youth advocates in all our trainings. These young people recognize that they have a voice and inherent leadership skills and seek opportunities to utilize their voice through our trainings.
For many young adults who have navigated systems and services while facing mental or behavioral health challenges and were able to get they help and support they needed, they often want to give back by providing youth peer support to youth who may be facing similar challenges. This year we offered a couple Youth Peer Support 101 trainings, and we were amazed by the passion of the young adults who have made it their mission to give back. There was a young woman who took our Youth Peer Support 101 training in October, and although she is not currently in a role that provides direct peer support, she took the training with the desire to eventually provide peer support and is excited to learn about her organization can offer leadership opportunities to the youth they serve. We also trained a young woman who is so excited and eager to get started in the work that she exudes passion and energy, as well as her desire to provide direct support to youth. Having the opportunity to meet the young people who are passionate about making a difference in their communities, as well as assist them in their efforts by providing training and ongoing technical assistance is truly the highlight of our work!
We don’t stop at providing trainings to youth and young adults. With our community webinars and trainings we offer throughout the year, we meet countless professionals who are eager to learn how they can support our youth just by being educated on youth engagement and rapport building strategies. Even for those who may not be working directly with youth or providing direct services to them, they have a passion to learn about what they can do to better create a system of care that positively effects youth in their communities. This continued desire is so prevalent in North Carolina, and we are so honored to be able to offer trainings that engages professionals in thinking about how they can best serve youth through their work.
As we wrap up a very successful year of trainings and look forward to all the wonderful opportunities we will provide in 2025, we mustn’t forget that without the passionate youth who seek youth leadership and advocacy opportunities, or young adults who have a passion to provide direct peer support to youth in need, or even professionals who just want to learn more about how they can engage youth in the work they do- without these amazing people we simply could not provide such amazing training opportunities. Please take time to thank these dedicated and passionate people who make system of care in North Carolina so impactful and incredible!
From Farm to Board Table by Kyle Reece
It was 14 years ago when I first walked onto the farm. Time sure does fly. At that time, I was at my absolute lowest point. I had no hope and felt like I had nothing. The bleakness of the situation would have been harrowing for any youth. I was being separated from my family, from everyone I knew, and sent to what would be my home for the next ten months. Every waking minute, I wished I could go home. I prayed that things would get better—better for me and better for my family. I did not want to be on that farm.
All these years later, looking back, I wish I could reach out to 16-year-old Kyle and tell him things would get better. I wish I could tell him that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I know that 16-year-old Kyle had to brave the trials before him. I am proud to say that I bravely went through those scary nights on the farm, wishing it would all improve.
After being diagnosed with Autism at 13 and spending the following years struggling with severe anxiety and depression, I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital four times before eventually ending up at the farm. This farm, a relatively large residential treatment center in Virginia, wasn’t a typical farm with chickens or cows (though there were donkeys). It was as much of a farm as it was a home, but for the purpose of this post, it was my farm, and for ten months, it was my home. I hated it there—not only because I was an hour away from my loved ones, but because it was a tough place to live. Being surrounded by nearly 60 other youth with mental and emotional health needs was terrifying.
Although I was fortunate to have a family who loved me, whom I could call once a night and see every other week, I felt incredibly lonely, isolated, and without much hope. That changed when I met Mr. Mario.
Mr. Mario was excellent. He understood me. He talked to me at my level. He showed that he cared about me and believed I could get better. Mr. Mario was the only staff member at the farm I could trust and was the only reason I could get through those daunting ten months. He believed in youth voice—that I should have a say in the care I received. He thought I was intelligent and capable enough to advocate for myself. He believed all I needed was for people to believe in me, show they cared, and support me as I received the medical help I needed to get off that farm eventually.
Because of staff like Mr. Mario, I eventually did leave the farm. While I still struggled at home and later ended up in a therapeutic foster home until I graduated high school, I was no longer in a place as scary as the farm. After graduating, I got connected with several youth empowerment organizations. These groups shared the same beliefs as Mr. Mario: that I should have a voice in the care I receive and that I should have the opportunity to advocate for system-wide change. They believed that the best way to improve these farms was for people with lived experience to share insights on making meaningful changes that would impact other youth.
For the next decade, I shared my lived experience to improve systems and services and transform these farms. The journey wasn’t easy, as I navigated my mental health along the way, but I was in a stable place, helping other youth use their voices to get the support they needed.
As the Youth Training Coordinator at North Carolina Voices Amplified, I now train youth peer supporters who share the same values Mr. Mario did. I support young people who have gone through their complex challenges and have come out on the other side. I want to give back and support youth who are still struggling. I am very proud of my role, and I know Mr. Mario would also be proud of me.
I also serve as a Board Advisor for the Association of Children’s Residential and Community Services (ACRC). In this role, I support farms across the country and the world by sharing my experiences and helping youth on these farms not feel so scared. I also ensure that every youth has staff who care about them as much as Mr. Mario cared about me.
As I sit here in Virginia Beach at a board meeting, I can’t help but laugh. This process has taken me 14 years—from being in a residential treatment farm in Virginia, supported by someone who believed in me and encouraged me to speak up and speak out, to now being able to share my voice at a system-wide level and help other youth do the same. These opportunities were beyond my imagination when I first walked onto that farm. But because I had people who believed in me, nurtured me, helped me grow, and inspired me to give back, I can say that I’ve gone from farm to (board) table.
How delicious is that?
Kindergarten Readiness: The Social and Emotional Edition by Joy Herrera, Bringing Out the Best Early Childhood Specialist
Entering Kindergarten is a time filled with new beginnings, growth, and bonding opportunities, but it is also a time in which your child will begin to navigate emotions, anxieties, relationships, and a world beyond the comfort of home and family. Equally important in the kindergarten journey are the experiences of parents who will share many of the same triumphs and worries that their children do. But fear not! Having a plan will make things much smoother. Here are some key activities to try for social and emotional preparation:
- Talk about big school. Have conversations about what it will be like, the routine, and the importance of making friends.
- Encourage independence with tasks such as dressing, using the bathroom, and meals.
- Practice social skills like turn taking, sharing, and listening to others.
- Identify and work through emotions. Is your child familiar with a variety of emotions? If not, it’s not too late to begin naming emotions, talking about how they feel, and finding a way to overcome the difficult ones. Reassure your child that it’s normal and okay to feel nervous and excited about school.
- Read books and stories about starting kindergarten.
- Visit the school before the beginning of the year. Attend any open houses. Take the opportunity to play on the school playground. Possibly make a book with pictures of the school.
- Keep a consistent routine, this is crucial during the lead up to school and once the year has begun.
The first day of kindergarten is a monumental occasion often filled with excitement and perhaps a few butterflies in the stomach. To make the first day as smooth and as memorable as possible, consider preparing in these ways:
- Make the first day special with a comforting routine or ritual.
- Discuss a goodbye plan so that they understand that you’ll be back to pick them up at the end of the day.
- Allow your child to take a picture of your family to school. If permitted, let them take a comfort item such as a favorite toy or blanket.
Once the first day of school arrives, you may begin to see some unexpected issues come up. Unfortunately, many children “save up” the raw emotions that they felt during the day. It is normal for your child to wait to get home before they unleash their feelings. And you, the parent, may receive the backlash of those emotions because our children see home as a safe place to release what has happened during the day. It is our place as parents to provide comfort and advice. Avoid asking questions like “How was your day?” as soon as you see your child. Rather, talk about how happy you are to be together again. Later in the evening you may ask specific questions such as, “Who did you play with today?”, or “Did you learn something new about your teacher?”. Children often have a hard time recalling and talking about their day so using these strategies can bridge the communication gap.
It is important to identify what is causing barriers as well as ways that you can help.
Sleep: You can expect your child to be very tired and sleepy the first couple of weeks of school. Allowing extra sleep time, even pushing bedtime up 15-30 minutes can make a positive difference.
Hyperactivity: Your child, maybe for the first time, will be expected to sit at a desk quietly and to be still. Large body movements are being replaced by fine motor activities more often. The result can be mental and physical exhaustion at the end of the day. After school is a great time to encourage your child to run outdoors to expend energy. Giving high protein snacks are great options to offer as well.
Meltdowns: You and your child can expect emotional overload. They may be trying to hold back feelings throughout the long day. Try using feeling words as you reflect on your child’s feelings. You might say, “it seems like you are tired and frustrated. How can I help you feel better?” You may offer a cool down spot that serves as a safe haven filled with pillows, stuffed animals, and calm choice visuals. Go with your child to this space if they want you to be with them. Model how you would calm down in the area and offer guidance as your child attempts to center themselves. Offer calm down solutions that can be used by both of you. Co-regulation (parent and child using resources to calm and center together), will build trust, bonding, and teach skills.
Lack of self-control: You may notice more boundary-pushing. They may take siblings’ toys or “forget” about household rules. Just as we exercise our muscles to gain physical strength, we can’t forget to exercise the way we go through routines and rules. At home, a cozy spot as mentioned above, will be helpful if they need time away to ‘reset’. Don’t change your rules and expectations. Children need consistency and thrive on routine. Provide a visual schedule, practice following school rules, and find other creative ways to help with the adjustment.
The journey to and through kindergarten can be tough but think of it as an opportunity to broaden your child’s life experiences, bond through learning and mutual respect, and as practice for the years of school life ahead.
Knowing By Lived Experience Part II of III: 4 Ways to Love Yourself as a Black Woman with a Mental Health Diagnosis
For years, I struggled with the notion that I was “less than” because of my bipolar disorder. I felt I would never find true love, accomplish my goals or be able to love myself because of my diagnosis. I saw my symptoms as significant flaws that were holding me back from everything I ever wanted.
After a few years of living in disarray and not working towards my potential, I began soul searching. I realized I could live the life I wanted with my diagnosis—I realized it all started with how I treated myself.
Here are four ways you can love yourself as a black woman with mental health challenges:
- Find Your Affirmation
While trying to get to the root of my feelings of inadequacy, I found my faith again. I returned to small concepts I learned as a child in church. During this time, I was dealing with a great deal of anxiety, so I wrote scriptures on sticky notes and stuck them to my mirror. I read them while putting on my makeup every day, sometimes aloud and sometimes silently.
Those scriptures helped me see that for everything I was feeling, God was my remedy. I had to remember I am wonderfully made for a purpose and my diagnosis is not a mistake or a flaw that makes me incomplete, but a piece of who I am that makes me unique and more qualified for my journey. It’s been about two years, and the same scriptures are still there. You can use quotes that affirm or lift you.
- Put Yourself First
In dealing with my mental health diagnosis, sometimes I’m not as social. I let phone calls and text messages go unanswered. I’ve been absent from family events. I’ve even put my college degree on hold to get myself back into a positive headspace. It isn’t always easy, but looking back, it’s been worth it. What can you contribute to the ones you love most with your head in the sand? What good is a college degree if you can’t get up in the morning and use it at your job?
In putting myself first, I’ve found the people and things I put on hold were still there when I emerged a better, healthier person. Of course, there has to be an understanding, and they have to be aware of your issues for this to work out, but the people who truly love you always will understand. If things have gotten out of control for you, or you’re busy and not productive, take a step back and don’t be afraid to say no. Try focusing on you and see how things change.
- Ask for Help
I fought before asking for help for the longest time. I grew up in a single-parent, only-child household where my mother was superwoman. She handled her job, her child, and her family obligations and went to church every Sunday. She was more than competent in every regard. I watched her build a great life for us, and as I began to battle with my mental health, I felt as though I should have been able to handle it all, as she did.
My sophomore year in college, I broke down and asked for help. I began seeing therapists. It was a hard decision, but one of the best decisions I ever made. The same was true when it came to asking my family for support. It’s still tough, but I push through.
Recently, I called my cousin to chat with her. I told her I was experiencing anxiety. She talked me through the issues that were concerning me, made me laugh, as always, and told me she loved me. Maybe you need a therapist, or perhaps you need just a listening ear, but either way, don’t try to carry it all alone.
- Protect Your Peace
As women of color, we often have to fight the stigma within our communities surrounding mental health challenges. There have been times in my mental health journey when people I trusted have given me advice based solely on their opinion or lack of knowledge. It can leave you feeling even more inadequate and questioning what you know to be true for yourself.
For instance, a loved one once told me they didn’t believe I was bipolar. Because I am a very strong person who understands what I’ve gone through, I let the comment go. But for someone who struggles with coming to terms with their diagnosis or challenges, this comment could have been very damaging.
You will cross paths with people who don’t think mental health diagnoses are real or don’t believe in treating mental health conditions with medication, but I am here to tell you that you have to protect your peace by doing what’s best for you. Also, you may have to limit your interactions with people who invalidate your struggle. Protecting your peace includes changing how you deal with people or situations that interfere with your harmony and happiness.
I’ve worked extremely hard to get to a positive space in my life, and I’m sure you have, too. Lately, I’ve found myself ending negative conversations. If I’m talking to someone and they are negative, I stop the conversation or shift to a positive topic. This is not selfish: It’s self-care.
These four practices have empowered me to live unapologetically. They have led me to my purpose and given me the courage to pursue my dreams. I hope these tactics give you the confidence you need to build your own system of loving yourself.
This content was first released on NAMI.org in July 2019.
The Intersection of Identity and Lived Experience
My family recently visited a photography exhibit at the Buncombe County Register of Deeds offices, celebrating the 10-year anniversary of the legalization of same-sex marriage in NC. My wife and I were the 19th couple to be legally wed in NC on that day, on the front steps of the building where my wife now works. We brought our 6-year-old twins to witness our “law marriage,” as we decided to call it, drawing a distinction between it and our “love marriage” which had taken place a dozen years earlier.
Family is what you make it, it is about what you love into being. I remember as a child my favorite aunt described the agonizing choice, she felt she had to make in the 1960’s between being true to herself as a woman who loved other women and being able to have a family and children. She chose to live in truth and relied on the strong bonds with her brother and sister to create a sense of family. My aunt has always doted on my cousins, my sister and myself as though we were her own children. She sought her own path in the world, living authentically and creating family in her own way.
I thought of my aunt when, as a young woman, I fell in love with the woman who is now my wife, and we discussed adding children to our family. With deep love, hope and intention, we developed a plan to build and protect our family despite the fact that NC had not legalized same-sex marriage yet, so we would not have the protection and rights that come with legal marriage. On a beautiful day in May, in front of our friends and family, we held our first wedding, our “love wedding.” Though the wedding was not legal at that time, we legally changed our last names so our family could all share a name. For years, my wife and I carried pouches of documents any time we left the house, with 14 legal agreements that helped establish some of the most important rights of marriage. The hospital visitation agreement addressed one of my biggest fears, because no matter how much I and my extended family considered my wife my next of kin, hospital staff who didn’t know our family could have decided to keep me from seeing her at a time of great crisis if we hadn’t taken several legal steps to protect ourselves against that possibility.
When we decided that we wanted to have children, we intentionally crossed our biological and legal relationships with the children to ensure that we, as their mothers, would have the strongest possible ties to them. We were fortunate enough to be able to use in-vitro fertilization (IVF). However, the law had not caught up to science; my wife had to sign away her legal rights and donate her eggs for me to carry our children. This meant that after their birth, she had to adopt them back to regain legal ties to her own biological children.
The day after giving birth to our twins at 35 weeks’ gestation, I remember walking down the hall towards the NICU and my wife and I could hear and distinguish the cries of our children from the cries of all those other babies in the NICU. We have been listening out for their voices as best as we can ever since. Building a family with love, hope and intention while experiencing a broader world that doesn’t recognize our family, or views it with hatred, discrimination or disrespect is bound to impact those of us who experience it.
Generally, I try to deal with anxiety and uncertainty in life by learning as much as I can about what I’m facing. My career as a social worker, along with lots of meaningful conversations with other people living through similar experiences helped me to feel more prepared to build a happy, healthy gay family. However, I was not prepared for the overlap of post-partum depression and the
part of motherhood where I felt a sense of stark vulnerability coupled with an overwhelming sense of responsibility to protect my children from the world. I knew I could love resilience into them, but that I cannot protect them from the ignorance and hate that families like ours sometimes experience in the world.
We have always carefully chosen communities, schools and care providers for our children. Still, the kids would sometimes report that another child in class used the word “gay” as a slur, or that they were made fun of for having 2 moms. Compared to the hateful speech I regularly heard in school when I was their age, it always seemed rather mild to me, and yet I can’t help but wonder if it still seeps into my children’s hearts, making them feel like they don’t belong.
Like for so many families, the years around the pandemic were full of grief, loss, and anxiety. For our family experienced this experience started in 2018 when we took on primary care for a terminally ill aunt. In the following year, my father and mother-in-law were both diagnosed with terminal cancer. In 2021, we had a three-month period during which we lost our family dog, my dad and my wife’s mother in rapid succession. My children were struggling to manage, and I was struggling to support them. Our whole family was spinning, and we needed to find ease, grace and kindness.
During this time of loss, my daughter developed major mental and physical health symptoms. After years of supporting families in crisis, I was in the other chair now, getting handed phone numbers and names scribbled on post-it notes from all the places we went to find help, and feeling frustrated at the lack of expertise and available resources to meet our family’s complex needs. I couldn’t stop thinking about how hard this was even though our family had the privilege of a lot of access to information, connections and resources. I wondered how other people got through this. I started to ask myself the question “Am I the person with the most knowledge of my child’s condition in my area?” My wife and I reached out to every professional and personal contact we knew to get our daughter in with a specialist whose office is less than 3 hours away from home. Then, we had a crisis when my daughter had a bad reaction to a medication. All the anxiety about being treated as a “real” family came back. This meant that amid worrying about a potentially very serious issue with our child’s health, we had to explain over and over that she has two mothers and no father. We wondered if she was going to be allowed to have the support and comfort of both of her parents, like other children, at the hospital when she was there and in distress.
I love and am proud of the family I have created. I do not think that my being a lesbian caused my own or my daughter’s mental health challenges, but the uncertainty of walking in a world with an identity that is not always accepted by others does contribute to the anxiety I carry and the ease with which I am able to get support. I think back on my aunt’s experiences and how excited she is to celebrate my children like they were her grandchildren. Then I ponder what the world might be like if I am lucky enough to have grandkids one day. I hope that if one of them is queer, they are free to be true to themselves, have a family in the way they define it and can get support without fearing being seen as illegitimate. Sometimes taking the long view helps me have hope, to recognize that even though we still need to continue to grow our capacity for empathy and acceptance, that change is happening right in front of us every day.
6 Tips for Promoting Inclusion and Reducing Tokenization of Lived Experience Professionals by Rachael Landau
As organizations continue to grow and strengthen their inclusionary practices for lived experience professionals, there are some factors that should be considered by the organizations. Agencies and organizations that employ lived experience professionals should be thoughtful and intentional in their efforts to avoid tokenizing these individuals. Tokenization may occur when an agency appears to be inclusive, however, their organizational practices do not encourage authentic engagement, both in terms of decision-making and providing opportunities for engagement, rather than limiting their involvement. When organizational cultures support and elevate the voices of lived experience, they move closer to inclusionary practices, and they have the power to shape social justice reform at and beyond the agency level. Agencies should be prepared to ensure that these employees are valued, respected, and considered at all levels of decision-making. Here are some tips for promoting inclusion and reducing tokenization of lived experience professionals:
1. Assess for readiness and do some homework: it’s vital that employers understand the complexity and value of lived experience and the ways in which these perspectives can strengthen the mission of the agency.
2. Create opportunities for lived experience professionals to be involved in decision-making: this is especially important in terms of decisions that may potentially impact them directly or the youth and families they work with. Not only should they be included in these efforts, but their voices should be elevated and validated.
3. Collaborate effectively with lived experience professionals: employers need to recognize the valuable perspective that lived experience professionals bring to the organization and create opportunities for authentic allyship and partnership with these team members.
4. Individualize your approach: there is no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to lived experience, so naturally, there should not be a cookie-cutter approach in supporting these professionals.
5. Avoid minimizing the experiences of others: a person’s experience is just that: THEIR EXPERIENCE. When professionals share their experiences, it is so important that their employers validate and honor what is shared.
6. Empower and identify opportunities for personal and professional growth: lived experience professionals should be provided with opportunities to advance their knowledge and skills, as well as share their knowledge and skills with others.
By promoting the inclusion of lived experience professionals and creating opportunities for their personal and professional growth, everybody wins. Organizations are privileged to employ staff who are willing and able to share their lived experience to impact the lives of others. The perspectives that these professionals bring have the potential to shed light on systemic issues and bridge gaps to promote social justice, diversity, equity, and inclusion. The knowledge and skills that they bring to the table are unique and cannot be learned in a classroom or read about in a book. Therefore, these professionals should continue to be elevated, supported, utilized intentionally, and most importantly, valued.
Knowing By Lived Experience: Part I of III
In a three-part series, we will be taking a deep dive into lived experience, what it means to know by living from the youth voice and lived expertise from the family perspective! This month’s tools come from the Assistant Secretary For Planning and Evaluation Office of Human Services Policy.
